Calm Parents, Calm Kids

How not to loose your cool in the moment.

As parents we know that the best way to teach our children is to model the behaviour we want our children to emulate. This is not easy when we find ourselves becoming agitated, annoyed or angry and n that moment we perceive the cause of these emotions to be our children. When we are triggered it is hard to take that moment to pause before we respond. It takes practice. Here is technique to practice the next time you begin to feel negative emotions, perhaps annoyance, irritation, upset or anger at your child’s behaviour try to S.T.O.P:

Stop - simply pause. This can be the hardest step as you have to remember to do it and catch yourself before emotions take over.  If this short exercise doesn’t work at first don’t be hard on yourself. It will take patience and practice.

Take a breath... or however many breaths you need to bring yourself to a calmer state. As you focus on your breath you could count to five. Count one as you inhale, two as you exhale... continuing to five (either out loud or in your head).

Observe. Become aware of how you feel, your thoughts and your surroundings. Is your child purposefully misbehaving or could they be experiencing a negative emotion like frustration, annoyance or sadness but don’t yet know how to convey it?

Proceed. Decide the best way to proceed so that you can respond rather than react to the situation. You may still discipline your child but do it from a place of understanding and educating them, instead of from a place of annoyance, upset or anger. 

The above can often be done in a matter of seconds; the time it
takes to take one breath. However, if your child is behaving dangerously and
you need to act swiftly then do whatever you need to, to make your child and
others safe.